It's finally over...for me.

Throughout the years

 

I know everyone is probably tired of hearing about Michael Jackson, his life, his death and the mystery and chaos that surrounded both.  I am posting this not to get on the bandwagon and gossip about his life on earth or to present any new information or conspiracies. I simply wanted to add to my blog’s personality. Without talking about him, most of my childhood would go unremembered.

I do not claim to be the “biggest fan” of MJ. All I can say is he definitely helped shape my childhood. My parents are Indian and they love Indian movies and music. So as a child I wasn’t exposed to much English pop music. My cousin bought the BAD tape of MJ and copied it for me. That was the first tape and English music I ever heard and owned. I listened to it every day over and over again. The music was so powerful, the voice so unique, I memorized every lyric though I didn’t know what most of them meant.

I started watching his videos on TV, danced like him in my bedroom, asked my parents to buy me leather pants and a red leather jacket.  The older I got, the more resources I had to find more MJ music and information. However, that is when I started noticing though he was famous and talented, he was also bogged down by all the gossip,rumours and stories that haunt him even after his death.

I loved the way he looked when he was a kid. But unlike the media and most people I also loved the way he changed himself. To others, changing his hair, lightening his skin, changing the features of his face, dressing in outlandish gear seemed insane but to me it was him living out his fantasy. I feel like that too. I always want to someone other than me.

He always felt like a misfit. He didn’t belong to any specific group and people always thought of him as weird or weak. This is probably one of the main reasons I latched on to him. I really felt inside,  him and I were not that different. By being so different he made me feel that was ok.

When he died, it was shocking to all of us. But to me, more than shock was the sadness that I was alone again. I am happy with my life and the people around me but I still felt like a part of me left. The worst was all the stories. Money, autopsies, homicide, custody, etc. His death was anything but peaceful and that made me really sad.  I think this circus will go on for a long time so I have faced the fact that he is gone, I have made peace and I have moved on. Someday hopefully everyone else will to0.

   

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